Navigating Self-Esteem

Before my junior year of high school, I was a mess of emotions, cripplingly low self-esteem, and weird internet inspired t-shirts. I thought I was never going to be the "first choice" of the boys in my circle (a title I realize now to be highly overrated), and often used my sharp wit and obnoxious voice to prevent any potential suitors from thinking I was even open to the idea of being one of their "options" (so we're all clear, people are not options).



Still, other girls my size occasionally question my confidence. Why am I so empowered to not hate myself? The answer is pretty simple: I'm the bomb.

Does that sound conceited? If so, oh well. Our society conditions girls not to speak too highly of themselves for fear of looking boastful, self-absorbed, or narcissistic. Unfortunately, a pretty prevalent side effect of always playing down your accomplishments and strengths is that soon, you'll start to believe that nothing good you do is a big deal. It's a huge deal. You're a bad ass who has many talents, and you should totally talk about them to other people. If you're afraid you're bragging, don't worry about it. The trick is to make it clear you believe the other person in the conversation is equally as bad ass as you. Instead of minimizing yourself to make others feel big, we should just make everyone out to be equally, yet uniquely amazing in their own right. 

My best advice for radiating confidence is:

Fake It Until You Make It

When you look in the mirror every day and say to yourself "I have a phenomenal ass", you don't have to believe it. But after a few weeks of admiring your reflection and complimenting yourself, you're going to see a difference. It will start to feel a lot less like a load of bullshit you're feeding yourself, and more like a simple acknowledgement and appreciation (if a slight exaggeration) of how great your body is. Your body does a lot for you. Even if it struggles, even if it isn't as capable as you might like. It does the best job in the whole world: it keeps you alive. It allows you to see, feel, taste, smell, and experience the world around you in a way that is totally unique from how any other person experiences it. The least you could do is give it a compliment once in a while. You'd be surprised how quickly you can start to believe yourself.

Surround Yourself With People Who Love Themselves

You don't necessarily have to do this in a very literal way. Perhaps your friends don't love themselves, but you don't need to abandon them to get to a good place with yourself. Still, people who talk badly about their bodies all the time will start to have an effect on the way you see your own body. To counteract it, I recommend reading and watching people with body positive messages. To be clear, body positivity isn't all about promoting your own body type and putting down bodies you think are in competition with your own. Body positivity is about recognizing that all bodies are beautiful in different ways. Having different bodies is part of what keeps the world exciting. Love everyone else's body as well as your own. Good sources for body positivity include Loey Lane, Gabifresh, Tess Holliday, and Nadia Aboulhosn. Of course, these girls aren't going to be everyone's taste, so totally look around for other girls who love themselves and want you to love yourself, too.

Think About Your Talents, Even the Weird Ones

Think about all the things your body can do that you're proud of. Even if it's something you wouldn't necessarily shout from the rooftops. Maybe you're spectacular in bed, or you have surprisingly strong legs. Whatever the weird shit is you can do, totally own it. Think about how cool it is that you're body allows you to do that and do it well. It might seem weird, but being proud of your strange little quirks can help you love them even more.